This weekend I will once more brave the British railway system, I suppose I should view it with affection as it is one of the few things that hasn't changed with the advent of the 21st Century, it is as still as inefficient as I have always remembered. As I contemplate the treacherous adventure that is in front of me I began to think of the differences that have happened in my lifetime and the impact that they have made.
I have very little idea who reads my blog (that is about to change) but I know for fact that there will be a young lady in Canada taking in each and every word – something that I wouldn't even of been able to imagine 15 years ago, then came the technological revolution.
You can only know what you are taught, told and experience and that's where the technological advances of the past decade or so have changed everything. Growing up as I did in the 80's, I sampled a slow change in what was available to everyone but the most I knew about other cultures and different ways of life was the next door neighbour telling tales of a week in Benidorm or the through the media – my next point.
When you can't see you have a reliance on others to paint the picture for you, that is what the media did for everyone until quite recently. How would I know what America was like without someone telling me? How would I know what Americans were like without someone else informing me? Simply there was no way hence all trust was put in second hand opinionated information. Ask any two people to describe the same thing, you will get two different answers – that is why we need to find out for ourselves.
I tend to appear that I have a very low opinion of the modern world and all the contraptions that come with it but that isn't strictly true. There won't be an invention with such a far reaching affect than the internet in my lifetime, I will probably be proven wrong now I've said that. The internet has opened the largest opportunity for discovery and knowledge that has ever been available.
It is as easy to communicate with someone on the next continent as it is on the next street, more importantly the barriers of discovery and understanding have been removed and stereotypes can be cast to the wayside exactly where they belong. The world now has a very real opportunity to unite itself by each individual undertaking their own investigations into how the world as a whole relates to them, who they can relate to and what they can learn from the new insights.
As an individual I often wonder why certain events happen, want to understand the significance of them but looking from afar with diluted knowledge that had always been difficult, that changed the day the world was given the chance to metaphorically hold hands.
No longer do we need to accept what we are told to be the truth, experiences are literally at the fingertips and the expansion of our knowledge is only limited by ourselves. As I said at the top of the piece my words will be beamed across as far as Canada, these words won't be interpreted by someone else before they get there, the meaning won't be warped.
As I prepare to step back in time I doth my cap to the advances of the modern day.
Good night everyone
Enjoy today, look forward to tomorrow.
Wednesday, 26 August 2009
Monday, 24 August 2009
Small Words, Big Meaning
I often use a variety of words in my posts as you would of noticed, I have have great appreciation and quite a efficient understanding of words. The English language has such depth to it and so many options for saying the same thing. Alas after 30 years there is still one word I haven't quite grasped, its definitive meaning evades me and I wonder if I will ever have a full understanding of it.
I shall begin by quoting Massive Attack “love is a verb, love is a doing word”. Yes boys and girls that is today's subject – the most fluid and difficult word I know. Every day that word is spoken by nearly each and every one of us and in all likelihood it meant differently each and every time. It changes form every time it is spoken by whomever it is spoken. It doesn't have a 'solid' form hence my confusion and my cautious relationship with it.
The biggest unanswered question I know is, what is love? Frankly I have never come even close to discovering the answer, whenever I believe I have taken a step closer to it I realise that I have merely found another dimension. Therein lies my problem – I have yet to fully explore each dimension and understand what it means to others.
I have many issues revolving around my poor grasp of the concept that a word can change from person to person, from one minute to the next. When a word is used as liberally as confetti the natural thought process would say it would be devalued but in the case of love it breaks all rules, it builds in power every time it is used rather than becoming cheapened. This defiance of logic probably explains why it perplexes me so much.
I love the smell of freshly baked bread, I love my mum – two statements that couldn't be further apart in meaning but yet they are united by the same word. Each time that word is uttered to another it is meant uniquely for that person, it won't be used in the same way again, but how do we decipher how it is meant? How do we decipher how we mean it? Love is the one word that only gives me questions without yielding a single answer.
It is apparently never used lightly, if this the case why is it used so often? Does it ever sit still and remain the same or is it constantly evolving? After 30 years of sharing my life with a word, I still know it no better than the stranger on the street. On the occasions that it used towards me I believe I know how it is meant, I want to believe I understand but as I have said before the actual meaning and what it perceived by the recipient are often two very different things.
Maybe there is an element of trying too hard to define everything, wanting everything to tidy without any fuzzy ages but then again that probably isn't living in the real world – everything has an element of a fuzzy edge, slightly out of focus. I'm now beginning to think that I should stop searching for the answers as that makes the journey of discovery that bit harder. Maybe we all try too hard to define every emotion.
Love isn't a standalone emotion, it is the result of a myriad of other feelings. The difference in each of these feelings effect the result, effect what one expresses to another.
I am now a step forward, perhaps.
Thankyou for your time everyone. Take care.
Enjoy today, look forward to tomorrow.
I shall begin by quoting Massive Attack “love is a verb, love is a doing word”. Yes boys and girls that is today's subject – the most fluid and difficult word I know. Every day that word is spoken by nearly each and every one of us and in all likelihood it meant differently each and every time. It changes form every time it is spoken by whomever it is spoken. It doesn't have a 'solid' form hence my confusion and my cautious relationship with it.
The biggest unanswered question I know is, what is love? Frankly I have never come even close to discovering the answer, whenever I believe I have taken a step closer to it I realise that I have merely found another dimension. Therein lies my problem – I have yet to fully explore each dimension and understand what it means to others.
I have many issues revolving around my poor grasp of the concept that a word can change from person to person, from one minute to the next. When a word is used as liberally as confetti the natural thought process would say it would be devalued but in the case of love it breaks all rules, it builds in power every time it is used rather than becoming cheapened. This defiance of logic probably explains why it perplexes me so much.
I love the smell of freshly baked bread, I love my mum – two statements that couldn't be further apart in meaning but yet they are united by the same word. Each time that word is uttered to another it is meant uniquely for that person, it won't be used in the same way again, but how do we decipher how it is meant? How do we decipher how we mean it? Love is the one word that only gives me questions without yielding a single answer.
It is apparently never used lightly, if this the case why is it used so often? Does it ever sit still and remain the same or is it constantly evolving? After 30 years of sharing my life with a word, I still know it no better than the stranger on the street. On the occasions that it used towards me I believe I know how it is meant, I want to believe I understand but as I have said before the actual meaning and what it perceived by the recipient are often two very different things.
Maybe there is an element of trying too hard to define everything, wanting everything to tidy without any fuzzy ages but then again that probably isn't living in the real world – everything has an element of a fuzzy edge, slightly out of focus. I'm now beginning to think that I should stop searching for the answers as that makes the journey of discovery that bit harder. Maybe we all try too hard to define every emotion.
Love isn't a standalone emotion, it is the result of a myriad of other feelings. The difference in each of these feelings effect the result, effect what one expresses to another.
I am now a step forward, perhaps.
Thankyou for your time everyone. Take care.
Enjoy today, look forward to tomorrow.
Sunday, 23 August 2009
To Dream A Dream
I like Sundays, genuinely I do. There is something highly relaxing about them, the slow and predictable nature of them is highly comforting to me. I have a Sunday routine, actually I have a routine for most days but particularly Sunday. Part of my routine is going to my mothers for dinner, obviously this is a highlight and it also saves me having to put any real effort in (I do the washing up though).There is one downside to me idyllic Sunday – I have to watch whatever my mother has recorded on Saturday, which this time of year means X Factor.
Before you try and second guess me this isn't a rant about reality television or even low grade 'made for the masses' programmes. As I watched the shots of the crowds gathered all with a common dream being beamed into my mothers living room my mind turned to the human spirit.
Let me explain, I think you may need it.
Anyone that has watched these talent shows will know that each and every one of the contestants have an unshakable belief in their own ability – whether accurate or not. Of course we laugh and smile as we see those that we believe to be talentless or cringeworthy but shouldn't we actually be admiring them?
These people turn up knowing what they want from life, it may seem to be a pie in the sky dream but they are there to give it their best shot. How easy is it to think something is too hard or unattainable to even bother trying? Very is the answer, it is the easiest thing in the world to not try, it is much harder to go after what you want the most and keep self belief. Dreams, hope and goals are a reason for tomorrow.
No-one wants to be told that they aren't good enough, human confidence is brittle and it does look like we seek to fracture the confidence of others when we really should be working together to help each other. I know that's easy to say, but think about it how deep does one disparaging remark go? Even if a dream may be hard to achieve the journey taken trying to achieve it is the most important part.
It takes incredible strength of character to continue towards a goal when people are trying to take you away from it, repeating to yourself that you can strive on when the majority believe you will fall by the wayside quickly.
As I watched another contestant take their place on the audition stage I was almost envious, not that I want to face Simon Cowell as I know I can't hold a tune in a bucket but I do want to have that lack of fear, to say come what may I will do exactly as I want and not to take the easy option. There is no reward when you say 'I wanted to' but there is a lot to be taken from trying.
We all look back at what we have achieved, how many ticks we have on our to do list and the more that we have marked off the easier it makes trying in the future. When someone tells you their dream how do you react? How much thought do you give to how your reaction will effect them? Remember one encouraging word will be a step further towards achieving, it is much easier to know that you have support than walking a lonely path.
Food for thought on a Sunday evening.
Take care everyone
Enjoy today, look forward to tomoorow.
Thursday, 20 August 2009
Times For Heroes
Wandering aimlessly around the supermarket doesn't usually inspire, in fact it usually drives me slightly crazy (no comments!) but that is exactly what happened this morning. It wasn't the 'special' offers that caught my attention though, it was the music drifting across speakers. I heard the gruff bark of Van Morrison – a musical legend if there ever was and there was a seed set in my head.
Sometimes I seriously believe I was born at the wrong time as I survey what is commonplace in the 21st century, I struggle to relate with modern concepts and the basis on which they are built. I have already mentioned George Ivan Morrison, the man that I regularly refer to as the man I would like to adopt me, as he is somewhat a 'hero' to me and here comes my point of my post.
As much as I respect a man's music and his style he can't be a real hero to me. How can writing music make him a hero? What is the grounding for that claim? Hero is a word that is now banded about far too easily, apparently David Beckham is a hero, how is that? He kicks a football and many enjoy watching him but his actions are never going to shape the person you become or maybe they are – my problem with the 21st century.
This could quite possibly be me and my unenlightened view but I fail to see where an idol becomes a hero, in my world they are 2 very different things. I can fully comprehend why someone admires the song writing skills of Van Morrison or the footballing skills of Mr Beckham, I can see why people would want to emulate their achievements but would possessing those skills make you a better person?
We live in a time where too many false qualities have been created, the importance of certain virtues have been put on the back burner and devalued. Level of fame, exposure and material wealth outweigh personal attributes that make each and every one of us. The creation of new 'heroes' has blurred the lines for many, especially those that are still developing, no longer is the focus on core values and what I accept to be indispensable life qualities.
Looking once more with my simplistic outlook I ask what should we be looking in our heroes. Is being in the public eye and having wealth more important than moral fibre, respect and courage? Self worth is what we all need to strive towards but I don't believe that can be achieved whilst we are distracted by the unattainable, the falsehoods of modern society.
I do have a hero, he has never lifted the World Cup or sold a million records but he has done something infinitely more important – he has been a model of the person I want to become, morally rich with compassion for all. My idol is my grandfather, a finer man I have never met, if I am half the man he is then I'm very happy.
I have mentioned stepping back and assessing what really counts before, this is very much a case in point. We all have a need for aspirations but there is no need for these to be at the expense of vital components, the basic values that are attainable by all. I see little need to look into the unknown for false heroes when there will be very real ones on your doorstep.
Who would of thought a piece of music in a supermarket could trigger such a chain of thought!
Take care everyone
Enjoy today, look forward to tomorrow
Sometimes I seriously believe I was born at the wrong time as I survey what is commonplace in the 21st century, I struggle to relate with modern concepts and the basis on which they are built. I have already mentioned George Ivan Morrison, the man that I regularly refer to as the man I would like to adopt me, as he is somewhat a 'hero' to me and here comes my point of my post.
As much as I respect a man's music and his style he can't be a real hero to me. How can writing music make him a hero? What is the grounding for that claim? Hero is a word that is now banded about far too easily, apparently David Beckham is a hero, how is that? He kicks a football and many enjoy watching him but his actions are never going to shape the person you become or maybe they are – my problem with the 21st century.
This could quite possibly be me and my unenlightened view but I fail to see where an idol becomes a hero, in my world they are 2 very different things. I can fully comprehend why someone admires the song writing skills of Van Morrison or the footballing skills of Mr Beckham, I can see why people would want to emulate their achievements but would possessing those skills make you a better person?
We live in a time where too many false qualities have been created, the importance of certain virtues have been put on the back burner and devalued. Level of fame, exposure and material wealth outweigh personal attributes that make each and every one of us. The creation of new 'heroes' has blurred the lines for many, especially those that are still developing, no longer is the focus on core values and what I accept to be indispensable life qualities.
Looking once more with my simplistic outlook I ask what should we be looking in our heroes. Is being in the public eye and having wealth more important than moral fibre, respect and courage? Self worth is what we all need to strive towards but I don't believe that can be achieved whilst we are distracted by the unattainable, the falsehoods of modern society.
I do have a hero, he has never lifted the World Cup or sold a million records but he has done something infinitely more important – he has been a model of the person I want to become, morally rich with compassion for all. My idol is my grandfather, a finer man I have never met, if I am half the man he is then I'm very happy.
I have mentioned stepping back and assessing what really counts before, this is very much a case in point. We all have a need for aspirations but there is no need for these to be at the expense of vital components, the basic values that are attainable by all. I see little need to look into the unknown for false heroes when there will be very real ones on your doorstep.
Who would of thought a piece of music in a supermarket could trigger such a chain of thought!
Take care everyone
Enjoy today, look forward to tomorrow
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
The Band Will Play On
I've written enough of these blogs now for anyone that reads them to have an insight into my world and the many muddled thoughts that go through this old head of mine. I have also made it quite clear or at least I have tried to make it clear what is important to me. The one thing that I have neglected to mention so far is my constant companion, my mood monitor and my reminder of people places and events.
Today my friends I am talking about music, very much my second heartbeat. I can't go anywhere without it, on an empty road I will never be alone as long as I have it with me. At the times that I want to remember, at the times I want to forget I always know where I will find my answer. There is something magical about the escapism it can give but not only is it an escape for me at times it acts like the greatest motivational tool I know.
If someone wants to know who I am or see a representation of what makes me, delve into my music collection or look at what I am listening to at that moment in time. When words evade me I know I have something to turn to, something that asks no questions but can put me back on the right path, correct me so I can move in a forward direction once more.
It is said that you can't keep a moment forever but music allows me to do exactly that, as soon as certain songs kick in I am transported, transported to places that I have once been and the re-enactment can seem to be so real, the feelings return as they were before, I believe I have never left it behind. It happened to me only yesterday, I had my media player on shuffle as a song popped up, a song that I attach a thousand emotions a to, bam there I go swimming in every memory like it was happening all over again. As negative as I may be painting this picture at the moment it is quite the contrary.
The way I see it these visits to the past aided by music allow me to see what I have forgotten, the good and the bad. A reminder that will aid and guide me, give me the metaphorical kick when I need it the most.
Leave behind the memories it can trigger and consider just how much it bonds – music is the worlds strongest glue. It can bind friendships together, think of each significant occasion in a persons life and what is prominent at each and every one.
If I want to drift away and let my body and mind go to separate places, I will dig out my Sigur Ros, Bon Iver or something similar. If I want to drown in noise to block everything out I turn to something like Nirvana, iForward Russia!. If I want I want to laugh along I have the Lancashire Hotpots. In short the possibilities with music are endless. It will never let you down.
In the words of John Miles “To live without my music would be impossible to do In this world of troubles, my music pulls me through”.Just a couple of lines sum up what I've tried to say in a few hundred words – the power of music.
Josh Pyke is going too take me through the rest of the night, you will have to work out what that says about how I am feeling right now, the clues are there.
Take care everyone
Enjoy today, look forward to tomorrow
Today my friends I am talking about music, very much my second heartbeat. I can't go anywhere without it, on an empty road I will never be alone as long as I have it with me. At the times that I want to remember, at the times I want to forget I always know where I will find my answer. There is something magical about the escapism it can give but not only is it an escape for me at times it acts like the greatest motivational tool I know.
If someone wants to know who I am or see a representation of what makes me, delve into my music collection or look at what I am listening to at that moment in time. When words evade me I know I have something to turn to, something that asks no questions but can put me back on the right path, correct me so I can move in a forward direction once more.
It is said that you can't keep a moment forever but music allows me to do exactly that, as soon as certain songs kick in I am transported, transported to places that I have once been and the re-enactment can seem to be so real, the feelings return as they were before, I believe I have never left it behind. It happened to me only yesterday, I had my media player on shuffle as a song popped up, a song that I attach a thousand emotions a to, bam there I go swimming in every memory like it was happening all over again. As negative as I may be painting this picture at the moment it is quite the contrary.
The way I see it these visits to the past aided by music allow me to see what I have forgotten, the good and the bad. A reminder that will aid and guide me, give me the metaphorical kick when I need it the most.
Leave behind the memories it can trigger and consider just how much it bonds – music is the worlds strongest glue. It can bind friendships together, think of each significant occasion in a persons life and what is prominent at each and every one.
If I want to drift away and let my body and mind go to separate places, I will dig out my Sigur Ros, Bon Iver or something similar. If I want to drown in noise to block everything out I turn to something like Nirvana, iForward Russia!. If I want I want to laugh along I have the Lancashire Hotpots. In short the possibilities with music are endless. It will never let you down.
In the words of John Miles “To live without my music would be impossible to do In this world of troubles, my music pulls me through”.Just a couple of lines sum up what I've tried to say in a few hundred words – the power of music.
Josh Pyke is going too take me through the rest of the night, you will have to work out what that says about how I am feeling right now, the clues are there.
Take care everyone
Enjoy today, look forward to tomorrow
Saturday, 15 August 2009
No Hiding
You will of noticed by now that my posts tend to mingle into one and another, that there are common elements in them all, this is very much representative of my life – there is a thread that binds all of the parts together. I watch people go through life looking for the next material target to show how happy their life is and how happy they are in it, I often find myself wondering if they are trying to prove this to themselves rather than others.
I have said it before and I will say it again, I am a simple man and I look at life in the most simplistic of ways. Even though you will never see my looking for the next representation of material wealth and happiness it doesn't mean that the outward projection isn't very different to the inward story. Which leads me to the actual reason for this latest post.
I value my family and friends above all in my life, I will always endeavour to put their best interests first, their happiness allows me to stroll through life knowing that I have done my best to make sure those that I care for don't have to whittle for me. In a day and age where everyone have so many worries why would I want to burden others further?
What is the most used lie in the English language? I will tell you, it is 'I'm alright', how many times do we say it when it is far from the truth for the sake of the 'wellbeing' of others..It has always been my stock reply, no-one needs to know details of how I am really feeling as they already have themselves to look out for, I am aware that there is already a contradiction here.
I was discovered a couple of days ago when an incident occurred that made me realise that instead of allaying worry for others in fact I am increasing it, I would of dismissed that concept if I hadn't seen it for myself. Alot of people who care for you know you as well as you know yourself. They recognise that little change in body language, the hesitation in your voice. When I am questioned to how I am and I dismiss with that 'harmless' little lie it becomes another piece of baggage for those close to me to carry while they wait for the inevitable collapse. Most won't bulldoze their way in forcing you into submission, they will wait patiently but with every passing moment their worry builds.
As a result I have reassessed the affect of that harmless lie, am I being fair by shrugging off the enquiries into my wellbeing for the mistaken belief that I am protecting those close, am I being fair to them and ultimately myself. Viewing it in the cold light of day the hypocrisy of the way I brush aside any concerns for myself is very real, I would never want to think that people did the same to 'protect' me although I don't doubt they do.
The reason we let people close to us is because we have a trust and belief in them so surely the minimum they deserve is honesty? The old adage is a problem shared is a problem halved, looking at that the fact that I shy away from sharing in some kind of stubborn pride now makes me wonder if a problem not shared is a problem doubled. Instead of having support from those very willing you have 2 separate parties worrying about the same, that surely isn't right.
This has turned out to be my longest ramble so far but I suppose what it boils down to is this – put your hand out someone will be there to take it, they are waiting for it to be outstretched.
Take care everyone
Enjoy today, look forward to tomorrow.
I have said it before and I will say it again, I am a simple man and I look at life in the most simplistic of ways. Even though you will never see my looking for the next representation of material wealth and happiness it doesn't mean that the outward projection isn't very different to the inward story. Which leads me to the actual reason for this latest post.
I value my family and friends above all in my life, I will always endeavour to put their best interests first, their happiness allows me to stroll through life knowing that I have done my best to make sure those that I care for don't have to whittle for me. In a day and age where everyone have so many worries why would I want to burden others further?
What is the most used lie in the English language? I will tell you, it is 'I'm alright', how many times do we say it when it is far from the truth for the sake of the 'wellbeing' of others..It has always been my stock reply, no-one needs to know details of how I am really feeling as they already have themselves to look out for, I am aware that there is already a contradiction here.
I was discovered a couple of days ago when an incident occurred that made me realise that instead of allaying worry for others in fact I am increasing it, I would of dismissed that concept if I hadn't seen it for myself. Alot of people who care for you know you as well as you know yourself. They recognise that little change in body language, the hesitation in your voice. When I am questioned to how I am and I dismiss with that 'harmless' little lie it becomes another piece of baggage for those close to me to carry while they wait for the inevitable collapse. Most won't bulldoze their way in forcing you into submission, they will wait patiently but with every passing moment their worry builds.
As a result I have reassessed the affect of that harmless lie, am I being fair by shrugging off the enquiries into my wellbeing for the mistaken belief that I am protecting those close, am I being fair to them and ultimately myself. Viewing it in the cold light of day the hypocrisy of the way I brush aside any concerns for myself is very real, I would never want to think that people did the same to 'protect' me although I don't doubt they do.
The reason we let people close to us is because we have a trust and belief in them so surely the minimum they deserve is honesty? The old adage is a problem shared is a problem halved, looking at that the fact that I shy away from sharing in some kind of stubborn pride now makes me wonder if a problem not shared is a problem doubled. Instead of having support from those very willing you have 2 separate parties worrying about the same, that surely isn't right.
This has turned out to be my longest ramble so far but I suppose what it boils down to is this – put your hand out someone will be there to take it, they are waiting for it to be outstretched.
Take care everyone
Enjoy today, look forward to tomorrow.
Tuesday, 11 August 2009
Lost in Interpretation
I have been writing this blog for 2 weeks now and during that time I have shared thousands of words with anyone that has taken the time to read, Reflecting on this has left me thinking about words, especially in this case the written form. Whatever I say here is for you to interpret as I can't give the written form any emotion, I can't guarantee you understand how they were meant when I put them down. Simply I have to believe that you know my meaning or that you can find a meaning that works for you.
How many words are in the English language? How many ways can a single sentence be interpreted? And importantly how many times are what is meant and what is understood the same? I would hazard a guess that the percentage is very low. Words can be a dangerous form of communication in certain circumstances with the absence actions and body language to fully demonstrate how they are meant.
As I was listening to Emiliana Torrini gently caressing me with her own words (I sound like a big girl, I know!) I began to realise how little can be understood through words alone, even in spoken form you can't be sure that there won't be something lost from the moment they leave someone's lips to the moment they are processed by your brain.
I am not the most articulate person when it comes to expressing myself vocally. I often feel that my thoughts are diluted by the time I form a sentence and by the time they are processed by another they will totally evaporate into the ether. My own hesitant nature means I dither and stumble through expression (very much like I am here), never clear in my own mind if I make the correct selections of words to illustrate myself which builds an inward frustration. I'm not an artist so I can't paint the picture that will say a thousand words, I have to cling onto the hope that my actions fill in the gaps, make up for my shortcomings – in short do my speaking for me.
The truth is words confuse and scare me, I know that sounds a little bit daft coming from someone that writes a blog but that is how it is. I have an ability some may say to make something read well, maybe even profound when the truth is I am just efficient at escaping what I really mean. But the other side of that is I wonder how well I understand what others say, I know I have a tendency to hope for meanings that aren't actually present, I am sure most of us have done the same. Every sentence has a gap for thought, a gap for hope and I wonder how many times I over analysis over complicating the simplest situations.
Before you think that I am going into a downward spiral of lack of self confidence and despair that isn't the case at all, the truth is that I realise I am not perfect, I have to work hard to make my true feelings known which is a lesson for us all, no-one is universally understood, we all need to help others and fill in the gaping holes that mere words leave exposed.
Words are only tools of expression, those near and dear can see you and will give you what you need to let all your inner thoughts out.
That's enough from me for tonight.
Enjoy today, look forward to tomorrow.
How many words are in the English language? How many ways can a single sentence be interpreted? And importantly how many times are what is meant and what is understood the same? I would hazard a guess that the percentage is very low. Words can be a dangerous form of communication in certain circumstances with the absence actions and body language to fully demonstrate how they are meant.
As I was listening to Emiliana Torrini gently caressing me with her own words (I sound like a big girl, I know!) I began to realise how little can be understood through words alone, even in spoken form you can't be sure that there won't be something lost from the moment they leave someone's lips to the moment they are processed by your brain.
I am not the most articulate person when it comes to expressing myself vocally. I often feel that my thoughts are diluted by the time I form a sentence and by the time they are processed by another they will totally evaporate into the ether. My own hesitant nature means I dither and stumble through expression (very much like I am here), never clear in my own mind if I make the correct selections of words to illustrate myself which builds an inward frustration. I'm not an artist so I can't paint the picture that will say a thousand words, I have to cling onto the hope that my actions fill in the gaps, make up for my shortcomings – in short do my speaking for me.
The truth is words confuse and scare me, I know that sounds a little bit daft coming from someone that writes a blog but that is how it is. I have an ability some may say to make something read well, maybe even profound when the truth is I am just efficient at escaping what I really mean. But the other side of that is I wonder how well I understand what others say, I know I have a tendency to hope for meanings that aren't actually present, I am sure most of us have done the same. Every sentence has a gap for thought, a gap for hope and I wonder how many times I over analysis over complicating the simplest situations.
Before you think that I am going into a downward spiral of lack of self confidence and despair that isn't the case at all, the truth is that I realise I am not perfect, I have to work hard to make my true feelings known which is a lesson for us all, no-one is universally understood, we all need to help others and fill in the gaping holes that mere words leave exposed.
Words are only tools of expression, those near and dear can see you and will give you what you need to let all your inner thoughts out.
That's enough from me for tonight.
Enjoy today, look forward to tomorrow.
Friday, 7 August 2009
Blow Out The Candles
The weekend is upon on us once more, another week of summer has passed with a deluge of rain, mugginess and disgruntled muttering from all and sundry – myself included. That is as far as I am going to go down the road of darkness in the post, for once. I actually have a purpose for what I am writing today. Anyone that has read my meandering rambles before knows that is a rare, I tend to stumble across the point of posts rather than already having the destination in mind – today is different.
Even during this quite frankly dreadful summer (4 days of unbroken sun and counting) I have had a positive that has run for the duration, that positive is someone that seemingly appeared from nowhere and in a relatively short period of time has become a constant companion.
To pre-warn you I shall be using clichés in the next paragraph.
In totally random circumstances I found a friend that is like my right hand, the other half of my brain (trust me that is scary at points). We are like like the proverbial two peas in a pod, to anyone that saw us together they would make the presumption that we have known each other forever and a day, I even have to remind myself that isn't the case. This sort of friendship can't be created and that day we met the sun was truly shining down on me. If you think I ramble in my blogs it is nothing compared to how I can be in the flesh when I have something on my mind / have something to share. My dear friend hasn't been put off by this probably a sign she has a screw or two lose (it is true!) in fact she has positively encouraged it, for this I am eternally grateful.
Before she reads this and comments about it not being one way, I know that for any friendship to work and become something worth cherishing there has to have equilibrium. Anyway let me try and get this back on track and get to my point (I remember I said I had a point to this). The other day she took me by surprise, a very pleasant surprise which has without doubt has been the highlight of a dreary week, I said that I would get my own back to be informed that I wouldn't be able to, that in my language is a challenge!
I'm not naturally competitive but this is a way of killing two birds with one stone (sorry about the cliches, I did warn you!)
Tomorrow is my dear friends birthday, I am not the greatest at grand gestures being a humble simple man this is my way of saying thankyou and wishing her all the best on her special day. It may not be shiny, it may not make peoples jaw drop in amazement but I feel it is highly appropriate.
We walk many miles and meet many people on the journey of life but only a few stop you in your tracks and make you feel that you have been given one of the most precious gifts possible. That is what I have been given, I haven't baked a cake but I do present a representation of me.
Look out the window, you may see the rain but think of all that you have and you will see you have plenty of sunshine in your life.
Take care everyone.
Enjoy today, look forward to tomorrow.
P.S. I think I may of won the challenge, what do you think?
Even during this quite frankly dreadful summer (4 days of unbroken sun and counting) I have had a positive that has run for the duration, that positive is someone that seemingly appeared from nowhere and in a relatively short period of time has become a constant companion.
To pre-warn you I shall be using clichés in the next paragraph.
In totally random circumstances I found a friend that is like my right hand, the other half of my brain (trust me that is scary at points). We are like like the proverbial two peas in a pod, to anyone that saw us together they would make the presumption that we have known each other forever and a day, I even have to remind myself that isn't the case. This sort of friendship can't be created and that day we met the sun was truly shining down on me. If you think I ramble in my blogs it is nothing compared to how I can be in the flesh when I have something on my mind / have something to share. My dear friend hasn't been put off by this probably a sign she has a screw or two lose (it is true!) in fact she has positively encouraged it, for this I am eternally grateful.
Before she reads this and comments about it not being one way, I know that for any friendship to work and become something worth cherishing there has to have equilibrium. Anyway let me try and get this back on track and get to my point (I remember I said I had a point to this). The other day she took me by surprise, a very pleasant surprise which has without doubt has been the highlight of a dreary week, I said that I would get my own back to be informed that I wouldn't be able to, that in my language is a challenge!
I'm not naturally competitive but this is a way of killing two birds with one stone (sorry about the cliches, I did warn you!)
Tomorrow is my dear friends birthday, I am not the greatest at grand gestures being a humble simple man this is my way of saying thankyou and wishing her all the best on her special day. It may not be shiny, it may not make peoples jaw drop in amazement but I feel it is highly appropriate.
We walk many miles and meet many people on the journey of life but only a few stop you in your tracks and make you feel that you have been given one of the most precious gifts possible. That is what I have been given, I haven't baked a cake but I do present a representation of me.
Look out the window, you may see the rain but think of all that you have and you will see you have plenty of sunshine in your life.
Take care everyone.
Enjoy today, look forward to tomorrow.
P.S. I think I may of won the challenge, what do you think?
Tuesday, 4 August 2009
Animal Instinct
Charles Darwin theorised that mankind descended from apes, looking at how he came to that conclusion it is easy to see the logic behind the thinking. It explains perfectly how our outer shells and basic functionalities are formed but it doesn't address how we developed emotionally as individuals and the traits we carry with us throughout life.
As I look at my actions it gets me to thinking of how I can relate them back to the animal kingdom, in my case I look at the tortoise, perhaps evolution has a lot to answer for. Like my friend the tortoise I have a tendency to retreat when approached by something that I am fearful of in the hope that I won't be noticed and the danger will pass. Unfortunately I don't have the same protective shelter therefore eventually I have to face my fears, step forward, assess the full picture that is before me, both the light and dark and work out the safest passage through it.
The slow deliberate pace of the tortoise is another trait that surfaces in me, in my case it appears in the form of my thought process rather than my movement, taking and breaking down every piece of information that I see until I can fully digest it and know what to do with it.
The big difference between me and the tortoise is that my environment is forever evolving, despite what I said previously about lacking the shelter from fear that the tortoise has that isn't true, I am protected by those that appear in my life to help me along the road of discovery, some come in unannounced without explanation and some are always present. The people I have met on my journey thus far have ensured that my evolution as a person has never stopped and will continue for my entire lifetime.
The tortoise lives for a long time but its characteristics never change, I however like you will never stop changing. If I was to compare myself directly to the person that I was 5 years there would be a stark contrast, granted my major traits have never altered but they have become less overpowering because we are complex beings, tiny little changes in our life, the growth of emotional understanding, the appreciation of what those present in our life offer us influence the next step we take – the person we become.
There could never be a blueprint for mankind because of the fact that until we have lived today we don't know what choice we will make tomorrow. My outlook has changed so much with each passing year as I learn a little more, where this path will take me I can never be sure, although I mention fear it doesn't have to be a negative it can be that light that guides us to somewhere where we may of never trod before.
I look at the tortoise, do I want to stay the same for a lifetime or do I want to embrace the journey? Darwin didn't have any answers only theory, no-one can give us the answers we seek but they can and will ensure our path is never the same and a journey to be embraced.
The next step of our evolution is our next choice.
Good night.
Enjoy today, look forward to tomorrow.
As I look at my actions it gets me to thinking of how I can relate them back to the animal kingdom, in my case I look at the tortoise, perhaps evolution has a lot to answer for. Like my friend the tortoise I have a tendency to retreat when approached by something that I am fearful of in the hope that I won't be noticed and the danger will pass. Unfortunately I don't have the same protective shelter therefore eventually I have to face my fears, step forward, assess the full picture that is before me, both the light and dark and work out the safest passage through it.
The slow deliberate pace of the tortoise is another trait that surfaces in me, in my case it appears in the form of my thought process rather than my movement, taking and breaking down every piece of information that I see until I can fully digest it and know what to do with it.
The big difference between me and the tortoise is that my environment is forever evolving, despite what I said previously about lacking the shelter from fear that the tortoise has that isn't true, I am protected by those that appear in my life to help me along the road of discovery, some come in unannounced without explanation and some are always present. The people I have met on my journey thus far have ensured that my evolution as a person has never stopped and will continue for my entire lifetime.
The tortoise lives for a long time but its characteristics never change, I however like you will never stop changing. If I was to compare myself directly to the person that I was 5 years there would be a stark contrast, granted my major traits have never altered but they have become less overpowering because we are complex beings, tiny little changes in our life, the growth of emotional understanding, the appreciation of what those present in our life offer us influence the next step we take – the person we become.
There could never be a blueprint for mankind because of the fact that until we have lived today we don't know what choice we will make tomorrow. My outlook has changed so much with each passing year as I learn a little more, where this path will take me I can never be sure, although I mention fear it doesn't have to be a negative it can be that light that guides us to somewhere where we may of never trod before.
I look at the tortoise, do I want to stay the same for a lifetime or do I want to embrace the journey? Darwin didn't have any answers only theory, no-one can give us the answers we seek but they can and will ensure our path is never the same and a journey to be embraced.
The next step of our evolution is our next choice.
Good night.
Enjoy today, look forward to tomorrow.
Sunday, 2 August 2009
A View From The Outside
Once more I am ponderous, after 2 days where I have swung from 1 feeling to another I am trying to regain the ground that I know that I am happy on once more. Finding that safe state where I know that I can recover, collect myself and move forward once more
Understanding yourself is one thing but actually knowing how to treat yourself in a manner that is best for you is quite another. Maybe I am an oddity, actually I don't doubt that I am an oddity but the way that I let my actions betray my heart leave me quite bewildered when I step back and view the wreckage within.
Putting people before myself is what I know, it is quite possibly noble but is it right? If we never give ourselves the respect and honesty that each individual deserves surely we are losing out and treating ourselves as second class citizens. I know without doubt I would never treat others like I treat myself at times, with these double standards I dish out in dollops convincing myself that I am happy to go along for the ride down a murky tunnel where my screams become inward and the echoes only reverberate around my head.
I have a nod and smile policy which for many a year has served me like a friend but the truth is that it is really a dark and dangerous foe. The best way of describing the way I can be is that it is the equivalent of ordering chicken and chips when what I really want is roast beef, how ridiculous does that sound? Staring back at the words that now confront me I shake my head and start to wonder when I became so foolhardy.
Fact is the fear of disappointing others restricts us all although it shouldn't, those near and dear would never want us to deny ourselves a happy place, a place where we are satisfying both our head and heart. The ultimate test of what you have is showing how you truly feel, denial will only eat you up and like 'bad back syndrome' no-one can see what happens inside without you expressing it in words and actions.
This has turned out to be a long monologue of self help, for that I apologise but maybe you can see elements that are common in both myself and you. We are, we feel, we have to be true. Today is a sunny day, a new day and a new opportunity to do right for myself.
Take care everyone.
Enjoy today, look forward to tomorrow.
Understanding yourself is one thing but actually knowing how to treat yourself in a manner that is best for you is quite another. Maybe I am an oddity, actually I don't doubt that I am an oddity but the way that I let my actions betray my heart leave me quite bewildered when I step back and view the wreckage within.
Putting people before myself is what I know, it is quite possibly noble but is it right? If we never give ourselves the respect and honesty that each individual deserves surely we are losing out and treating ourselves as second class citizens. I know without doubt I would never treat others like I treat myself at times, with these double standards I dish out in dollops convincing myself that I am happy to go along for the ride down a murky tunnel where my screams become inward and the echoes only reverberate around my head.
I have a nod and smile policy which for many a year has served me like a friend but the truth is that it is really a dark and dangerous foe. The best way of describing the way I can be is that it is the equivalent of ordering chicken and chips when what I really want is roast beef, how ridiculous does that sound? Staring back at the words that now confront me I shake my head and start to wonder when I became so foolhardy.
Fact is the fear of disappointing others restricts us all although it shouldn't, those near and dear would never want us to deny ourselves a happy place, a place where we are satisfying both our head and heart. The ultimate test of what you have is showing how you truly feel, denial will only eat you up and like 'bad back syndrome' no-one can see what happens inside without you expressing it in words and actions.
This has turned out to be a long monologue of self help, for that I apologise but maybe you can see elements that are common in both myself and you. We are, we feel, we have to be true. Today is a sunny day, a new day and a new opportunity to do right for myself.
Take care everyone.
Enjoy today, look forward to tomorrow.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)